Get Pumped for Finals!

I probably won't reach my five-post-a-week quota this week because it's finals week.  (Not that the five-post-a-week police is actually watching.)  So good luck to everyone who's studying for finals!  Here's my favorite motivational studying song.  Hopefully it'll get you pumped to study, too!

"Menorah the Explorer"

Last night's SNL was pretty crappy, except for a few parts:

Alec Baldwin showed up on Weekend Update to poke fun at his own shenanigans earlier in the week:

And Stefon!!!

This sketch, one of the last of the night, was one of the best (in my opinion). So random and silly!

But other than that, not so much.  Hopefully the next episode will be better!

"I breathe Survivor."

I'm still pretty depressed about Survivor, so I apologize in advance if this review sucks.

I'm depressed because Cochran lost the Redemption Island duel.  At least it was pretty close!  But still, Cochran is one of my favorite Survivor contestants ever, and I was sad to see him go.  I was hoping that his former tribemates would be at least somewhat respectful when he joined them at Ponderosa (the place eliminated contestants chill between Tribals), but that doesn't seem to be the case.  It's too bad.

This week, the contestants' loved ones showed up, and Ozzy got to pick which three contestants got to hang out with them.  One of his picks was Brandon, who's dad (Russell's brother) is there... and he's, like, Russell 2.  He tries to strongarm Coach into guaranteeing Brandon's place in the final three, and he tells Brandon to stop playing an honest game.  Yep, it runs in the family.  But really, it's kinda stupid for Brandon's dad to play the game for him.  It reflects poorly on Brandon.

But while Brandon, Coach, and Albert chill with their loved ones and Ozzy, Coach tells Ozzy that he wants to go to the final 2 with him and makes an unbreakable promise or something.  Crap, noooo!!!!  If Ozzy's in the finals, he's probably going to win because everyone from Red will vote for him.  It's such a stupid promise on Coach's part.  If Ozzy wins, I'll be really upset.  He's the worst combo possible of hippie, bro, and bully.  

So after that, it's the Immunity Challenge, and Brandon sabotages Edna.  And she's TO'd.  After the challenge, she tries to get Albert and Coach to join her in voting off Brandon because he doesn't follow their group's "mantra" of honor.  Nevertheless, Edna's voted off and sent to Redemption.

 So much for that.

Not a very eventful episode strategy-wise, and my enthusiasm's taken a nose dive now that Cochran's gone.  Now the episodes are bound to be good since there's nowhere for people to hide.  There's one episode next Wednesday, and the finale is next Sunday.  Hopefully it'll be less depressing. 

Doubtful, considering how my favorite contestant ever is gone. :(

"White Chocolate."

It's Sectionals week on Glee and (spoiler alert) the New Directions beat the Troubletones and the only other school in their division with a glee club (what happened to the juvenile delinquent school from season 1?).  I mean, how could they lose?  They did two more songs than all the other groups!  And all three weren't as good as each of the other groups' songs, in my opinion.  Case and point: this and this.

I love me some mashups, after all.

The New Directions secured their win by resurrecting Sam Evans from his doomed existence as a stripper in Kentucky, only for him to sing this quality song upon his return:

The highlight of the episode was Mike Chang's reconciliation with his dad.  Yay for following your dreams!

And Quinn's still crazy.  Now she wants to make a new baby with Sam...

While wearing this.

That's it.  Next week is the Christmas episode!

Quite Possibly the Most Awkward First Kiss Ever

Last Sunday, TLC premiered a special called Virgin Diaries, which was about a bunch of adults in their late 20s/early 30s who, well... you know.  It focused on three stories, one of which was Shanna and Ryan's wedding.  What makes these two lovebirds special is that they've never kissed each other.  Heck, Ryan's never kissed anyone before.  Kudos to them for sticking with what they believe in, but maybe they should have, I dunno, practiced kissing on some inanimate object or something before the big day.  Here's why:

Yeah... from seeing the whole show, I know that they do the face-eating kiss pretty much constantly from that point onward, and then Shanna's, like, licking his face... no.  Just no.  Also, the creepy guy laughing in the video is Shanna's dad.  He's strangely obsessed with his daughter's intimacy with her fiance.  He even mentions later on that he wishes he could be there at their wedding night to see how awkward it's gonna be.  HER DAD.

There's also these three roommates who are 30-year-old virgins.  Well, not really:

That's not a thing. I mean, maybe if it was just one guy, it would be a bit more practical. But seven?!?!

And then there's this poor dude. Like the roommates, his biggest problem is that literally the first thing he tells people on blind dates is that he's a virgin. Or maybe his problem is that he has a bunch of cats, goes on dates with his mom, and "experiments with fudge":

Yeah, it's a hot mess. A wonderful hot mess. Unfortunately, Virgin Diaries is (as of now) a one-time special (though there was a casting call at the end of the episode). I can't find the full episode online, but I'm sure it's gonna be repeated a million times on TLC.  Watch it and behold the awkwardness.

Also, is it vaguely insulting that one of the commercials on TLC's website that played before the clips is for pregnancy tests?

Cracked.com: "The 7 Most Soul-Crushing Series Finales in TV History"

Cracked.com is a humor website that posts lots of great articles about pop culture and life in general.  I'm a big fan, and I figured I should share some of their funny articles now and then.

This one, written by Greg Welsh about a year and a half ago, is about well-known TV shows that have really, really depressing endings.  Like, so depressing that it's shocking someone let them get made.  Seriously, how is the decline of a society of Muppet dinosaurs allowed to be on TV?

Spoiler alert: They all die.

So yeah, it's a good read.  Check out their whole website while you're at it.

"Put that in your iPad and smoke it."

Just an OK episode of SNL this week.  It doesn't help that Hulu is sucking and not letting me watch the whole thing...

The Cold Open was OK. I'm just glad Pixar was on the list:

The monologue is pretty silly.  Now I feel bad for all those character actors:

This skit about sports scandals was sort of funny:

And though the Surprise Lady skit is sort of overdone, this one was chuckle-worthy:

This new Drunk Uncle character on Weekend Update is pretty great. Hopefully we'll see more of him in other holiday episodes:

That's it. Overall, the episode was underwhelming. There were some mildly funny stuff, but nothing worth watching more than once.

Katy Perry is going to be the host this week. I can't wait to watch!

Cast Iron Cooks!

I guess Jason Schwartzman, aka Gideon from the Scott Pilgrim movie, was on Sesame Street recently in an Iron Chef parody.  I wish I could find the whole thing online... it looks really awesome:

Isn't Elmo so cute in his little chef hat?

"I'm gonna be given the poisoned Kool-Aid."

I'm so depressed right now.

First, Ozzy won the duel.  Bleh.  Then, after Albert won immunity, he gave his reward (a massage) to Cochran and Coach.

There's some Coach Chi, too.

Cochran and Edna know they're on the bottom of the totem pole, but they both have assurances from Coach that they're safe for now.  Cochran even asks his tribe to pay him back for saving their tribe at the merge by letting him survive one more Tribal.  Not an unreasonable request, in my opinion, but Blue isn't convinced.  Cochran and Edna use their supposed link with Coach to try to get rid of Rick, and Albert seems to be on board...

But Tribal happens, and everyone starts going bananas.  Brandon cries about stuff, Sophie has no emotions, and Rick has a mustache.  And when the vote happens... Cochran's the one sent to Redemption Island. 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  :(

I bet the worst part is having to spend the next day or so alone with Ozzy. 

I had a feeling that Cochran wasn't going to win, mainly because he was unlucky with his assignment to his original tribe.  If he was on Blue from the beginning instead, I bet things would have been really different.  It kinda stinks, too, that Coach went from having Cochran be his warrior-in-training to voting him out.  I mean, I see why it makes sense for everyone in Blue to stick together since it'll help them get jury votes from each other, but at this point it's generally stupid.  They're all gonna have to screw each other over anyway, so why not do it when they have an extra vote lying around?  Especially since Sophie (and Albert, to an extent) are major strategic threats.

 Then again, he doesn't look too menacing.

But I'm not saying goodbye to Cochran yet.  After all, there's still a chance that he'll win the duel against Ozzy.  Wouldn't that be so awesome?  I just hope Ozzy doesn't give Cochran a hard time at Redemption bullying-wise.  Let it go, man.

So now I should be rooting for Mustache, but he voted out Cochran, so that's not happening.  No amount of glorious mustache can make up for that.

 Nope.  Don't even try, Mustache.

And that's all I have to say.  I'm too sad to come up with anything else.